Am I Invisible

 

Its the middle of the night,

Im sad inside,

Sad of all the things living inside me,

Sad of all the distance currently existing,

Sad of always being misunderstood,

Sad of how badly I just want to connect, 

Sad of how close we used to be, 

Sad that you always used to understand,

Sad I can’t ever do what you want,

Sad that no one ever listens,

Sad that I scream to the void, 

Sad no one hears, 

Sad I’m so easy to talk about it, 

Sad I’m impossible to talk to, 

Sad that all I want is to be enough,

Sad that I just want to deserve your love,

Sad that I don’t ever earn it, 

Sad this night never ends,

Sad a new day never brings anything different,

Sad because I’m used good now,

Sad I’m not new and shiny, 

Sad I’m not worth trying for,

Sad all I think about is you, 

Sad you don’t care,

Sad that I’m still here,

Sad that you haven’t tried to find me,

Sad you don’t come for me,

Sad you don’t miss me the way I miss you,

Sad that I can’t make you happy, 

Sad that I can’t make you interested in hearing me,

Sad that I’m fading in front of you, 

Sad I didn’t do it right, 

Sad I’m not what you wanted, 

Sad that life feels so dark without you,

Sad that I can’t be the thing in your life,

Sad that I’m just filler, 

Sad I’m not anyone’s forever,

Sad you don’t hug me,

Sad you don’t tell me it will be okay,

Sad you don’t hear all the things I don’t say,

Sad you don’t hear the things I do say,

Sad I don’t know how to keep you,

Sad that it feels like the only way is to shut up and say nothing, 

Sad that I feel like I wouldn’t even be missed,

Sad because you were the thing I wanted most

You Like This Makes Me Want to Explode

 

There is a version of you 

That feels like a million tiny star particles 

Rolled into your body

Feels like seeing the sun set for the very first time

Feels like I’m crawling out of skin

Waiting in anticipation for you to touch me

Feels like I’m almost on my knees 

Begging for you

A version of you that speaks 

And it’s what my dreams are made of

That is romantic

In a way that keeps me wet for you

Your skin feels like home and

You’re so beautiful that I want to touch you so bad

The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen 

You feel like reading my favorite book for the first time

Experiencing everything all at once

Taking me nice and slow

Making me feel like I’m the love of someone’s life

Taking me harder 

Because I’m so needy and desperate 

For you

You feel like seeing the ocean for the very first time 

Completely overwhelmed with emotion

Fear and joy and curiosity 

Like I’m the universe’s favorite 

Like someone made a mistake 

Giving me more than I could ever deserve 

Late Night Thoughts or Lonely Walks Alone on a Beach

Maybe you and I,

Are finally finished business.

The resolution I didn’t want.

Maybe you’re just better off with someone else,

Maybe you think I’m just a friend,

Maybe too much has happened,

Sex with me,

Just like sex with everyone else,

Nothing special,

A dime a dozen,

I’m just a substitute for 

Whoever is in your fantasy.

You’ll look at anyone,

Any old ex will do,

Even me. 

No longer worth your time,

To convince otherwise. 

Sex isn’t new and exciting with me,

Just something you’re occasionally in the mood for. 

I’m just another girl,

Other things are better. 

No more burning with desire,

You’ve had your fill of me,

Now you’ll release me,

Allow me to go be wanted,

My body to be a non-negotiable,

Someone who’s fire will burn for me,

That will care enough to take the time needed,

To remind me that I’m not everyone else.

A final conclusion. 

All Truth is Truth

 

The smell of rain right before the storm,

The anticipation making your toes curl, 

The sky and the reminder of life it brings,

The flowers that bloom in my favorite colors

The sound of you singing in a truck, 

The look of your bare chest in my bed,

The storytelling that gets you excited,

The spontaneity that life with you entails,

My look at the sky,

The feeling of your body underneath me while we made out, 

The feeling of your mouth so deep inside me,

You’re scraping my bones,

The moment of anticipation right before I’m impaled,

The way your eyes drank me up,

A day of playing games,

Until you couldn’t take it anymore,

Moments you needed to touch me,

Every single thing you ever said

That made me feel worth something,

Words that felt so good, 

I started to forget I had ever been hurt,

Things so good I thought I was healing, 

Pieces that you broke a lifetime ago,

And pieces you didn’t,

A list of things I’d miss 

If the world stopped turning

How Many Eras Exist in One Lifetime

 

Try to write, 

A story that will break your heart,

Something that sums up how I feel inside,

And all I have is you and I, 

No other words encapsulate that,

The whole Earth of emotions that rage inside,

But everyone deserves a bedtime story,

Once upon a time,

My hair was golden in the sunlight, 

My eyes sparkled in the sun, 

My skin was soft underneath your touch,

My face was an artifact worth observing, 

My thoughts were fascinating,

My observations astute, 

The look in your eye that made me feel safe to touch you,

Your words which reminded me there is no one else, 

Your body that needed mine to feel like home,

Things you did with only me,

Things you had done for the first time in your life,

Conversations that were exciting to share with me,

Intimacy that made me feel like there was no comparison,

No comparison because it was what you needed,

No comparison to your other girls,

And you were needy with it,

Now I’m the thing,

With the threats of living replaying in my ears, 

Reminders of my worthlessness, 

Worthless with comparisons of other girls,

Girls who were kinder,

Had different bodies,

Cooked more for you,

Were everything you remind me I’m not,

The constant inconvenience,

Inconvenient because I’m always fucking something up,

Faced with the look of disappointment,

Greeted with stories about how appealing my couch is, 

A million things breeding a million insecurities in my head, 

But that’s my fault too,

Words from you that are less and less,

When I used to be told stories about me being the sky,

Gestures that are further, 

Because my thank you isn’t enough,

Because I’m too selfish to deserve it,

Because everyone else is nice and I need a dose of the real world,

Tears that are only worthy of anger, 

We criticize those who show emotion,

My problems that you hate me for,

I’m too expensive, too emotional, too much to love,

No let me hold you, 

No you and I will be okay, 

No can I have a hug,

I’m always wrong,

Always doing something displeasing,

All of my problems go away with you,

I just wanted your love, 

All of your problems multiply around me,

Flashing lights of how unhappy I make you