Shug,
What are you doing? Probably something stupid? Me too. If I had a dollar for every time I have said you intentionally self-destruct, I could pay for a plane ticket to not be here anymore. I have spent so much time calling you out on this that I forgot something. I do it too. I also continuously and for no apparent reason fuck up my life. So right now, I hate us both. You haven't actually done anything to me but I'm feeling pretty angry right now so you get to be the other target. Is that why you picked her? Is it just another way for you to destroy yourself? The other night me and my, I don't know what you call her, had a fight and it was stupid and pointless and now it's just this crazy explosive thing that went too far. And it's like when something goes to far, there's no turning back. Just sitting around waiting on someone to determine the next moment in your life? And I just hate so much that I did this, I did not mean to do this. Sitting around, pretending you don't grow more and more sick to your stomach, as hour by hour passes. Did I ever make you feel this way? Is this sick karmic retribution? I just wanted to be happy and now? I get to be alone and you still get to be with crazy. Which one of us better off? I feel so disgusted with myself. Can you relate? You get to have someone else in her bed and I get to feel like complete dirt. I wish you were here to tell me what to do. I wish you were here to tell me it's going to be okay and she's going to come through.
Here's to hoping you're in a better place in life than me.
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