One I’m Sure to Regret

 

Always aching for you,

Aching to be the thing you want the most,

The thing you can’t let go of,

The first and last thought in your brain,

The voice you hear in your head,

When you hear your name,

The thing you think about, 

Every time you finish,

The vision you replay in your head,

Because nothing else is like that feeling,

The feeling of being inside me,

The feeling of knowing, 

You’re always the only one I want,

The person easiest to tell your secrets too,

To whisper with in the dark,

Always ached to be,

The reason you turned your life around,

The need to be my man,

The only man I’ll ever look at again,

The object of my obsession,

Always ached for you to be,

The person who heard me,

When I talked,

Listened when I needed, 

Understood me,

Because you’re the closest I’ve ever been,

Always ached for you. 

The End of An Era pt. II

 

Here we go again, 

Always easier to run, 

Than look in the mirror,

If you run, 

Then you don’t have to reflect,

If you run,

Whatever narrative you tell yourself,

Is the truth to you, 

Doesn’t matter what you do to me,

When you go,

Never did,

Always leaving, 

After you promised,

Always destroying me,

But my tears never bother you,

Always the thing I loved the most,

But always the thing you never wanted,

Always something to forget,

Always the only thing I want, 

Leaving is easier than staying,

Other legs will open,

Just like mine did,

And as always, 

I’m nothing to you. 

You Never Did Figure Out Forever

 

It’s 4 am and there’s nothing to do,

Except sit around and think about you,

How fast you changed your mind,

How easily I’ve been dismissed,

No longer needed,

Fine without me,

Doesn’t matter what I say,

Doesn’t matter what I do,

Fine to not call me your wife,

Fine to let some other man take me,

Fine to let someone else crawl between my legs,

Fine to let someone else hear my moans in their ear,

Fine to let someone else fill all of me,

Fine to let someone else take care of me,

Fine to let me take everyone’s name but yours,

Fine to watch me happy with someone else,

Fine to imagine me naked and tan,

Laying with another man,

Fine to let another man take care of

The family that was supposed to be yours,

The family that you were supposed to claim,

The girl you were supposed to plant your flag on,

The future that was always meant for you, 

No longer needed 

Can’t Wait to Be Someone’s Whore

 

One day someone will need the way I say their name,

Need the way I look at them,

Need the way I feel when they’re buried inside of me, 

Need the words that I say, 

Need the noises that I make,

Need the way I look in bed,

Need the way I take care of them,

Need the way my laugh sounds,

Need the way that I smile,

Need to know that I’ll never sleep with anyone else again,

Need to know that I’ll never belong to anyone else,

Because they simply can’t live with that,

Need to know they’re the only partner I’ll ever see,

Need to marry me,

Dance with me,

Sing with me,

Need to raise a family with me,

That’s the person you’re soft for,

Vulnerable for,

The one who happily takes care of you,

Because they want to see you thrive and 

Be your best healed self,

They want to be the reason that you’re happy, 

The reason no one else will ever be good enough,

Ruined for life to never want anyone else,

Someone somewhere will need my existence in their life,

And when they do,

They can have all of me 

Some People Aren’t Capable

 

Are you lying? 

Are you fucking?

Because it’s easier than waiting to come home,

Easier than putting in the work for a marriage,

You’ve had a lot of relationships,

But not a lot of marriages,

Marriage means commitment and effort,

Your agreement to only fuck one person,

Your agreement that you do actually have to take care of someone else,

Are you hurting me,

Because it’s easier than stepping up to the plate,

It’s only fun when you have no responsibilities,

Only fun when I accept the bare minimum,

Being what you’re capable of is only a good time in theory,

Are you finding your next act?

Seeking the next one to crawl in between their legs?

Doesn’t matter what promises you made,

Doesn’t matter what kind of man you said you’d be,

Doesn’t matter what was waiting at home, 

Doesn’t matter how you end up with someone forever,

Doesn’t matter how your ancestors did it,

Doesn’t matter to stay,

All that matters is where you can run next

No One Else Will Want You Like This So I Don’t Have To Either

 

It’s always this, 

One day I’m just nothing,

The day before I was everything,

Doesn’t matter what I do, 

Sit down, shut up,

Don’t have feelings,

Don’t work to be heard, 

Don’t feel insecure,

But do open your legs,

Do say that you love me,

Do whatever I want,

Do worship me,

But then watch me leave,

Always the toy,

Because I never learn,

Marked me so no one else would want me, 

So now you don’t have to worry about having me,

Never care that ignoring me hurts the way I look at you,

When all I want is to see you as the hero,

Never care that freak out or feel scared, 

It’s all okay that you don’t care anymore,

It’s okay to only care when you want to,

Doesn’t matter what your partner needs to feel safe,

Sometimes I’m the blessing for your family,

Now I’m just the whore you don’t want,

Don’t cheat, don’t be a whore,

But if you’re insecure about those things,

Well then you’re just horrible,

You can accuse me, I can’t accuse you, 

The mantra I struggle to learn,

Don’t notice when language changes,

Don’t notice when touch is less frequent, 

Don’t notice brush offs or unacknowledgment,

Only be happy,

Be a whore, be a slut,

Be an incubator, be a doctor,

Be hot but if you go to the gym, it’s your other man,

Be smart but don’t have opinions,

Be excited but you also have to show it just right,

Write to me, miss me, tell me you need me when I’m gone, 

Don’t switch up,

But it’s okay if I do,

Because I don’t need you anymore,

But I want you to say you need me,

And if you don’t, see I was right about everything,

Doesn’t matter that I said I didn’t need you,

Don’t have expectations, even if you tell me about them, 

I still will complain about them and resent you for them always,

I don’t care about acts of service,

I don’t care about household equality, 

I just want you to be happy with whatever I give you, 

And if you want more, well you’re spoiled,

If you have feelings, everything is about you,

Call me, text me, tell me you love me, 

But don’t get mad when I say you never do those things,

Be everything I want but keep your wants to yourself,

Every bickering is you starting an argument,

God why are you always like this,

Doesn’t matter what you did for my kids,

Doesn’t matter how you try to include me,

Doesn’t matter what you do for work,

You’re still just a narcissist,

I want to be your dream, 

I want to make you happy,

But only if you need nothing from me.