16 Lines

 

I don’t really write letters anymore, mostly because I don’t know what to say. But you, I miss you, I never stop thinking about you. I hope you see the messages I send you. I hope you know that I was never ever ashamed of you for any decision that you made, and I pray I always made you feel that way. You were always something to look up to for one reason or another. You are the most loyal bitch I have ever known. You were always a friend to me and you never, not one single time, made me feel judged. Something that I think is so rare and so fucking beautiful. When I broke down on the side of the road, I called you. When I needed to go spy on my ex, I called you. When that ex was something so painful I wouldn’t leave my dorm, you dragged me out to go grocery shopping with you. You took me on car rides, you blared music and sang with me, you answered when I called, you always cheered me on from the sidelines, no matter what. No matter what. You were the first friend I ever I said I love you too and the person who taught me that was okay to feel love for your friends. I miss you on my couch playing with my dogs, or gossiping on my bed with me, I miss you in the kitchen while I make you a sandwich (fuck the patriarchy). You created some of my best memories and you were there for the worst moments in my life, how does one ever repay debt like that? I hope you remember me for all the times that I was there and none of the times that I wasn’t. I hope you know how much I love you. I hope you remember me always down to have an adventure with you, I hope you remember me singing to you on a bus for eight hours straight because you were crying and sad, you are the only human who will ever hear me sing an ICP song or songs if we’re honest. I hope you remember me laughing with you because no single human in this life has ever been as funny as you. I hope you remember being welcome into my home with open arms no matter what. I hope that if I ever have kids, they are so deeply wanted and that wherever you are, you’re one of those people wanting them. You are the reason that I am half the bitch I am and I miss you.