One Because, Let's Be Real, Writing is the Only Thing I Know

Shug, let me ask you something? Funny, I feel that's how a lot of my letters to you start out. Do you think your mom would have been happier, had she in fact stayed with the love of her life? Do you think that by her staying and time and patience would have changed him back into the man he once was? Do you think she missed out by not having the love of her life? You know, when you're a little kid, they tell your goal is to find someone you love. But that's very misleading. Love isn't always enough to make a relationship last, no matter how much we wish it was. Love, it's a funny thing though. It makes you put up with way more than you ordinarily would, but how much is too much? When do you get to that point where you know a man isn't going to change? How many bad moments make a bad life? Are there some things men should already have down? What it comes down to is this: When is the right time to leave a man? When is he no longer husband material? That, or course, makes me ask myself, "Samantha, what defines husband material to you?" What thinks have to be there, regardless of all else, love or not. My first two are obvious if you've ever met me. I want a faithful man and an honest one. Two things that are much harder to find than I had initially thought. I want a man I could see cooking dinner for every night, a man I could see tucking my kids into bed, a man I could see drinking wine on a porch with long after everyone else is asleep. So now, it comes down to what does a man have to have to make me feel okay doing those things with him. Everyone wants a man who treats them well. Actually, regardless of gender, everyone wants to be treated well. Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated. Personally, I want a man who isn't scared of hard work. I have places I want to go in life, and men who don't have any goals or plans for their life low key scare me. Now, I'm not dumb, and life almost never goes according to plan, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth having one. I want a man who puts his family first, this man is my partner, a person I'm supposed to be able to share my load with. If I carry all my weight, and his weight, what's the point of having him around? He's supposed to help make my life easier and carry some of the weight. That means he has to be trusted to make decisions, that he can be trusted by himself, without me there to hold his hand. That I can go out for a little while by myself to the movies or to get my nails done and trust him with my home and my children. When a man puts you and your family first, he's showing you that you matter, that you two have a strong bond, that he's serious about you, that you two can face whatever comes because he will always have your back and nothing can come in between you two. I want a man who has the thought to do sweet things for me and surprises, not because I expect them, but because the lust and romance will come and go. When the lust isn't there, you gotta have a man that's your best friend. That loves you too much to step out on you, and you can still sit and talk with. When that lust is gone, you're going to need to have something substantial until it comes back. Is it too late for old dogs to learn new tricks? Can men really become those things, or do they either have it or they don't?