One That's Real

Do you think you'll ever get it together or in your mind is your life together? You know, I always thought you were proof that people could change, but I don't know anymore. Maybe people just flow through life doing the same shit. Which is the most depressing thought I've had. I'll just flow through life, not staying anywhere, moving from one version of me to another, just grasping at temporary things. As fun as I'm sure it must look like I have, since that keeps ending up my life, I don't want that. I don't want to be some fleeting memory in everybody's mind. I want stability, something everlasting and secure. Is it the people I pick, are they bad, or just the wrong people, or am I the issue? Samantha, why do you leave? It's the most famous question, the million dollar one too. I don't ever set out to leave. It can't be the people, I've left plenty of good ones. It's like once someone hurts you, it's impossible to know they won't do it again, actually you know they will. And it'll get easier for them every time. It's like knowing feelings don't last forever, and over time, slowly, you'll look less shiny. When they get mad, they will stay mad longer and longer and get a little angrier each time. It's like when you get mad, they'll care less and less as the days go by, and they'll try with less and less effort to fix it. It's like they'll start noticing other people as attractive more and more because they already know your body and have grown accustomed and realized that won't change. They'll care less and less about hurting your feelings because you always forgive, always get mad, always overreact. They'll wake up one day and their first thought won't be how grateful they are to wake to you. They'll cry over you less and less. They won't appreciate your music and they won't care what you're reading. The effort will decrease. They won't care about making your sandwiches just right, they'll quit making your coffee in the morning, quit throwing your towel in the dryer when you're in the shower so it will be warm. People want everything but the hard times, and when things don't go their way, you won't look the same to them anymore. What person could possibly want you forever? Who could possibly leave other human beings alone that long, no matter how hard shit is with you? I don't know, but maybe if someone could convince me, I wouldn't always feel the need to run. Forever is a feeling, one most people aren't willing to put the energy into giving you.