One Because a Rocky Start Didn't Mean a Bad One

They went from 0 to 100. Nothing to everything. They didn't know mediocre, they never did. Once again, her life was split into before and after. Initially, before and after she left. Now, before and after he came back. New challenges, same heart. She mourned for the boy she had lost and worked on learning to appreciate the man he had become. She mourned for the boy who could express his emotions so freely and she worked on learning to live with the one who guarded his feelings. She mourned the kid filled with wonder and listened to the experiences of the man who knew. New insecurities, same old girl. Did he love her? Enough to make this work? What happens when she is no longer a secret? Too boring? Too emotional? The crazy thing was, there was no doubt in her, no matter the issues, she was stuck. This was where her heart had always been. This was her life now, trying to make life with her somewhat livable. The boy still quieted the frenzy that went on inside her, but now she had to learn her new place in his life. Could he love her enough to make this work, even after all that's there? What if it was too much? What if she was too much work? She had also changed a lot over the year, self-esteem from hell, thoughts that flooded one on top of the other, so jumbled, the undying need for him. The thing was, she never expected to get him back, and still be standing all alone on that bridge.

One Because I Loved You

She looked at him, hard, hoping her stare was being felt deep down in the hollow of his bones. "Come away with me," she said. "Be the Hunter S. Thompson to my Gifford, the Bukowski to my O' Neill. Sit on a beach with me. We'll write for our supper." The sound of his madness was the music to which my demons danced.

One From a Night I Missed You

And honestly, I didn't know what fear was until I woke up gasping, struggling for every breath, struggling to make my lungs work. I knew at any moment your heart could stop. You could just cease to be, and that, my dear is the single most terrifying thought.

One I'm Not Sure Makes Sense

The boy just watched as big fat tears pooled in her eyes and began to fall down her face. He never thought he'd see the day and he never imagined she could be right, but damn, she is, he thought. I can't stand her, on the borderline of hating her. An old quote from some old show entering his mind. "Love, it's so close to hate, it's almost indistinguishable." He used to love her, this he knew in his heart of hearts. "Sails, I...," he started, but he was interrupted by her. "Just go, I told you if you dated me, you'd eventually learn to hate me, everyone does. Just leave." The boy sighed, he could think of nothing else to do, so he got up, kissed the top of her head, and walked off.




*quote actually by Melissa de la Cruz

The Beginning of Something

It was a day, just like any other day, at least that’s how it appeared to Angela, the waitress at the Rosaline Café, then again, that’s because she wasn’t noticing the man staring in through the glass window.

Mario Romero finally managed to drag himself away from the store window and continue on his daily walk. It was a hot and dusty Nevada day, then again, they were all hot and dusty. He kept thinking about the waitress in the window, she was so beautiful, with a sweet, heart-shaped face, and big brown eyes, and a nice tan Hispanic skin, and an ugly jagged scar going down the right side of her face. He wanted her, he wanted to come home and see her making dinner in a nice dress, to come home to a house she cleaned just for him, to see her laying in his bed at night, and oh, there were the carnal needs too. But for right now, Mario had other business to attend to.

Mario ducked into the restaurant to see how it was coming along. It would be open soon. A restaurant to honor his late sister, it had always been her dream when she was alive. He walked out of the restaurant and continued down the street. A man walked up beside him and fell into step with him. “Mario, I hate to ask but times are tough for me and my family and I need a favor.” Mario kept quit waiting on the man to continue. “Can I borrow a small sum of money? You know I wouldn’t come to you unless I had to but I’ve used all my other options.” Mario thought for a moment, “There’s someone who owes me, and you’ve just given me a reason to go collect. Enjoy your day.” With that, the man knowing he had been dismissed, left.

Angela sat with her feet propped up on a stool, counting the receipts from the day. They were still in the hole big time. Angela’s father walked in, “How was business today, sweetheart?” “Not nearly enough, how are we ever going to keep going like this, we’re going to lose this café?” Tello just brushed his daughter off and continued around back to his office. Angela gave up and prepared to go home to soak in a nice bath.

Tello still sitting in his office, drowning in bills, kept replaying Angela’s words over and over in his head. She was right, they were going to lose the café, his life’s work, he was $20,000 in debt, not including the money he owed to Mario Romero and his guys. He really thought that money would have given him a shot at saving the café, but it had barely begun to cover the bills that had accumulated over the last five years.

Angela dropped her bag in front of the dirty green door of their third floor flat and stooped to rifle through it for her keys. She entered the small apartment tired and defeated and went to go run herself a hot bath. As she was soaking in the tub, thoughts of her last relationship and how lonely she was kept floating through Sophia’s head. Her last relationship ended almost seven months ago and although she knew she deserved better, she couldn’t help feeling lonely. No matter how big of a jerk he had been, he did have some nice attributes and no lack of knowledge on how to use them. She slowly felt her hand dropping lower and lower until she found herself in the warm soapy water. After brining herself to a much needed release, she finished washing and hopped out and just in time to hear the door close and her father enter.

Mario got up that morning and started to make a daily breakfast of eggs and sausage, toast, and a half a grapefruit. 

Part One From a Nonexistent Book

      The scene: Two kids sit at the top of a hill overlooking their town, population approximately: 5,000. Both wear black shirts, skinny jeans, and Van sneakers. The girl: long dirty blonde hair reaching down her back, sucking down her fourth Monster of the night, anxiety on high. The boy: tall, red hair running a little shaggy, softspoken. "I'm so nervous, I can't tell how Josh feels. What if he doesn't like me?" All of a sudden, her phone buzzes. She looks up at Keith with crestfallen eyes, "Josh says he still has feelings for his ex."
     In that moment, Keith felt something inside him stir. He couldn't bare to look in her eyes anymore, so he turned away. They stared out over the town shrouded in darkness, each lost in their own thought. Finally, Mason said, "Sailor, there's something I need to tell you." The girl just sat there, waiting on him to continue. "You don't need Josh. You're so beautiful and... and... I'm in love with you.
     Sailor still reeling from shock, began to speak as fast as the thoughts running through her head. "You don't know me, and you don't want to. You're so young, you don't know anything about love. And besides, I don't believe in love, I don't believe in happy endings." Keith felt his heart sink, "Sailor, I do love you. I know I do." "I'm sorry, I don't believe in love. You'll change your mind. Let's go home," Sailor replied.
     Keith walked her to her house and as she reached her door, she turned around and looked at him for a moment before going in and closing the door behind her.

A Little To The New Thing

And all of a sudden, she woke up and realized she was okay. There was no need to run anymore, no need to hide, no need to pretend anymore. She woke up good, exhausted, but good. And she realized, there's something to be said about people who give you peace.

One You Heard

I was going to wait til tomorrow to talk to you, but memory really isn't my thing any longer. I do love you, just the way you are. I don't like pills, I don't like something artificial and chalked full of chemicals, I don't think it's healthy and I think it's dangerous. And you've always been one for extremes, you know it too. I'm sorry for today though. I just saw your behavior last week and then today and it wasn't a good snapshot into our future. I don't think you realize how long term centered girls are in their train of thought. And honestly, I think it's a birth thing. Girls have to carry the kid, to fill it grow inside them and I guess that thought has a lot of them straightening their ass up. I really do want kids, I didn't even realize how much, but it's become terribly important to me. And that's what everyone keeps saying to me, my grandmother, your mom, Lulu, that you're going to grow up, you've come a long way, but there's a lot more to go. And I look at you and think that I can see that. But hearing that you felt the compulsion to get fucked up just to sit in chapel with me, well first, I find it disrespectful, and next, it sounded like regression, not progress. In the eyes of the law, once you turn 18, you're legally an adult, but it takes a hell of a lot more than that to be a man. It has to be what you think is best for our family, not what you think is best for you. And I'm not saying these things about you so please don't get mad. I'm trying to talk and tell you how I feel on the subject. We won't have a very happy life if one of us grows up and one of us doesn't. And it really stung because I thought you were making progress. That talk the other day about self improvement was the first time I've felt truly listened to and understood for the first time in I can't even tell you how long. And I thought my words were getting through to you. I think you have what it takes to be an amazing man, but not if you don't think that you're not worth becoming that person. Then neither of us are going to be very happy in our lives together. You're so wonderful, but we're at the age where some things have to start changing and we have to start thinking seriously about the future. Grant, I'm really scared. This is where most of my relationships end, this time frame. I get the desire to run, because deep down I still feel like that 16 year old telling you I don't believe in love because I've never seen it be worth anything. Fighting to keep something that has such a tendency to leave is going to be hard. And I'm terrified of losing everything I believe in. I couldn't leave you, and I didn't want to. But it was hard, standing to fight for something that in 90% of cases doesn't last was scary, and now, you have to do things that are hard and scary for you too. I hope you're not mad and I hope you're actually listening to me because the future is really uncertain and I need to know how much you want to be that man, where do you see yourself in five years. You have to start thinking long term and you have to put in the work on yourself to get there. But I know that you have what it takes and as long as you want me there, I'll be by your side.